They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize