Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
