Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
