She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
