Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
