i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
