Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
