OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Everyone says I win the strip club
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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