Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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