im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
