Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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