Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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