Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
