We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
