I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
