I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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