I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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