Sry I called you an 8
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
