hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
