Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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