So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
