my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
