I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
