It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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