I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The beer is more important than you right now.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
