Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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