just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
