Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
