My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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