worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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