If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
