I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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