It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
