Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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