Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize