Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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