I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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