Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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