this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
