By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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