he wants to bone in the snuggie
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
