we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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