We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
