Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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