White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
