One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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