I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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