1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
