I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
