508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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