i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
