Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
