i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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