Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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