You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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