That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
