That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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