Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
