THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
