worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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