So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
