Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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