even my farts smell like vagina
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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