yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
