There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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