I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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