so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
