Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
