As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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