as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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