It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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