Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize