My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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