Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
