I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
