so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
